Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
