i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
