You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
