This gyro tastes like lonliness
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
