I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
