It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
