so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?