i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
