the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You took a bar mat shot.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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