Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
