God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
