I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
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He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories