My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
