My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
