Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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