I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
