Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
