I forgot how hot balto sounded
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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