hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
