just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All the doctor said was why
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
