So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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