i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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