just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
