i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
