i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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