i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
