Can i not drive my cunt home
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
