There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
