Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
