But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
