Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
