P.S. I can't hear my feet
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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