Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
