My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
