Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
