HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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