Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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