The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
