I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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