Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
