respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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