My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize