38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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