Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
