Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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