I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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