Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
