So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
