id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
