i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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