I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're breaking my sexual little heart
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
