So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
