My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
