Do you still have your period?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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