Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
