Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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