I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
then he tried to convert me to islam
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
