I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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