Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
