Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
