Redeem this text for a blowjob
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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