There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
