some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
