I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
