She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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