Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
