U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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