i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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