So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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