I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
