We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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