i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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