i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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