come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
