This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
