So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
