Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
