Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
