I wish i was in the wii world.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
