I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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