I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
