I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
