I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
