i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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