I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
