i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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