I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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