Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish they made helmets for livers.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
