Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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