I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
