dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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